Saturday, July 2, 2011

Maintaining Appearances


I’m a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk

-Right Said Fred

Mom, are we there yet? Yar! I kid, I joke. In truth, these leisurely days at sea haven’t been—dare I say it?—all for knot! Lately, I’ve managed to read everything ever written about Croatia, our next port. For example, this from the Culture
Smart!
series guide to Croatia:

“...the culture of dress is flourishing, at times even bordering on ostentation. Looking good is more important for women than for men, but both pay a great deal of attention to appearance, designer clothes, fashion, and style...”

Well, then! Prepare to meet your match, Croatia, as I bring ye the boys and girls of TS Empire State VI!

Like in the former Yugoslavia, here aboard Empire, one’s daily life depends on his or her rank. As for the hierarchy, first come officers (captains, engineers, instructors, the all-important librarian, etc), then crew (cooks, housekeeping) and finally the lowly rank-and-file student body. These are further subdivided into first, second, and third class (1/C, 2/C, 3/C); 1/C being the salty seniors, enlisted for both first and second sea term; 2/C, veteran seamen but not yet seniors; and 3/C, freshmen, “mugs,” as they’re known, whipping boys, ye might say, one false move away from scrubbing the deck or—dare I say it?—walking the plank!

Now, the idea is to be able to identify one’s rank by his or her appearance, but it can get tricky, as officers and cadets are only given the following two options of dress: either the one piece boiler suit (“monkey suit,” if ye will), worn in
greasy locales, such as the engine room (I, despite requests, was not given one) [ed. note: He really did ask for one], or khaki pants paired with a khaki shirt (“khaki tuxedo,” if ye will, a fashion faux pas of the highest order). Monkey suits are cut and dry:

Officers = White; 1/C = Grey; 2/C = Tan; 3/C = Blue. It’s when everyone is clad in khaki tuxedos that there’s real ambiguity. Then, as in any great society, one resorts to scrutinizing certain class distinctions if you cannot quite catch the little rank badges from a distance.

For instance, with the exception of yours truly, officers are old. Spy a greybeard? Officer! But our class has another definition: after 5PM (1700 hours), we let our hair down (all one centimeter of it), button down the hatch of our khaki shirts and
replace them with fabulously handsome red or blue Maritime College polo shirts.

However, we are not the only privileged class. 1/C cadets are granted perhaps the most remarkable of honors: facial hair. Not just any facial hair. No, no. We’re not cultivating any hippies on this here boat! Like the New York Yankees of baseball, our boys are given but one option when it cometh to the hair on their chinny chin chins; that there shall be none! Mustache only!

What’s that ye say? What about our 2/C and 3/C cadets? What about them? says I. Second and third class citizens, the lot them! Utterly without distinction, utterly without importance!

O, but there is one man I neglected to mention, the one man who
sports not a khaki but a camouflage tuxedo to go along with his crew cut, well balanced gait in even the roughest waters, and combat boots. Yes, sir! To call him merely a man is to insult him; for he is a bear amongst cubs! Not only that, but a
Lieutenant Colonel to keep the Mugs in line!

Until next time,
Yar

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I started reading your blogs yesterday and you have me hooked. Nice style of writing, so much that I cant wait till tomorrow! You are keeping us parents well informed thanks.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for giving us a peek into our Cadet's day. Seeing how interesting your writing is, I can't wait for the photos!! Please be sure to include some of the cadets in the engine room too!
Thank you

Anonymous said...

Please keep writing - it is the highlight of my day to read about what is happening on board the TS Empire State VI! Matey, you are too funny - didn't know librarians could be so humerous!!! If you see that salty dog, Will Chmely (4th class) give him a hug from Cella and Mom!!

Stay safe cadets!! We miss you!!